When a girl lives independently for a long time and did not experience having a real relationship, it will be a big adjustment on her part to be with someone.
She will crawl her way learning how to handle a relationship and learning the cycle of how to be in a relationship.
But is there a difference between the two? Is there a step on how to handle a relationship and how to be in a relationship?
These kind of questions had me thinking at one in the afternoon. I just finished my lunch and I am sitting in front of the window drinking my coffee contemplating, when these questions about relationship suddenly pop up on my mind and I can't help myself but wonder;
what it feels like to have a relationship? or what does falling in love feels like?
But then, when I begun thinking of the negative sides of having a relationship or falling in love per se, I started to back down.
Why?
Well, I am the kind of person who is thirsty of adventure, who loves being independent and who loves her freedom the most. And just thinking that someone will gonna control me on those things that I wanted to do makes me cower of starting a relationship with someone.
Also, I'm not the kind of person who needs a Prince charming or a knight in shining armor to sweep me off my feet. What I need is a partner who will support and stand along side me when I fight my own battle.
So yes, I may not have the actual experience of being in a relationship, but I'm no novice with what is happening in a relationship. I don't need to experience it first hand, to tell what I learned based on the things that I was able to observed, heard, saw and witnessed to the relationships of the people that surrounds me.
Some relationship ends in a good or bad way, nonetheless it is still a relationship that you had with someone. You shared a piece of yourself to that person. You both explore and survive together the ups and downs of your relationship to either make it work nor to just end it, because of too many complications.
Therefore, are there specific ingredients on how to handle a relationship? Or how to ready yourself to be in a relationship? So it will end in a positive note on how you expect it and not the other way around?
Well, here are the 5 things that I discovered based on my observation and what I believe in:
1. SELF PREPARATION (no to TOXIC RELATIONSHIP)
You should be physically, mentally and emotionally ready to enter a relationship.
WHY?
Since entering or having a relationship will not only affect you physically but also your mental state. So you should be in your best condition.
Who wants a toxic and precook relationship anyway? It's either you need some complication in your boring life to crave that kind of toxicity or get the hell out with that kind of relationship to save yourself for the time and effort that you will about to waste.
Remember, according to WHO "Mental and Physical Health is fundamentally linked." Having said that, here's what I got from Pinterest, "Physical health is as important as mental health." So, if you are in your best & happy state of mind, and good disposition it will also lead to a healthy and happy relationship.
2. KNOW YOUR SELF WORTH
Don't ever, ever beg someone's affection and attention.
Never downgrade yourself because of someone who cannot see your worth as a woman or as a person. Always remember that You deserve the best that a man can offer. If you need to stand on your own and fight your own battle then do it. But never settle for anything less.
ALWAYS LOVE YOURSELF FIRST.
3. BE THE MATURE PERSON IN THE RELATIONSHIP
At least someone in the relationship should be mature enough to handle the situation. Because, when everything goes south and down the hill we cannot avoid being irrational about things, that sometimes even the nonsense or petty things can be brought out during an argument. So you should be mature enough to handle the argument or misunderstanding between the two of you.
Don't go around blaming anyone if you decided to be irrational and immature about it. Though it is unavoidable, nonetheless choose to act as the bigger person and settle the matter like a mature person should be.
4. DONT FORGET AND BEND YOUR VALUES
I know most or some will not agree about the listed factors below, but those are the things that my Grandmother instilled on me that I also believe in:
First is to Set your standard,
next is to Reserve yourself
and lastly, know your boundaries.
Yes I know, that sometimes standard/s are made to be broken once you fell in love. However, it is still not against the rule to set a standard when you look for the person that you wanted to be with. It only means that when you set a standard for other people, you will also set a standard for your self improvement for you to be fit with that person. In short, it is like a Law of Attraction. You attract people who have the same thought and attitude like yours.
Who wants an egoistic kind of guy who will pull you down, instead of lifting you up right? Then, go back to list no.1- Avoid the toxic kind of guy that will lead to a Toxic Relationship!
But remember also to be realistic about the standard/s that you make - don't go over the moon dreaming about setting a standard that it is not already believable to reach. This is not a reality versus expectation moment.
I even remembered what my grandmother told me way, way back. She said that she's scared for me and my female cousins, if ever we decided to be in a relationship in the future because of karma. Karma in a way that we will suffer the consequences of our Uncle's previous relationship rendezvous. So, my grandmother always reminds us to be wise when looking for a future partner.
Also, to know your limitation as a woman. Don't go beyond the limit. Know when to stop and to be firm about it. "Huwag maging marupok".
Both of you should know how to compromise and adjust with each others belief or values.
5. ESTABLISH THE FOUNDATION OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP
They said that these are the most common foundation of a relationship.
Respect, Trust, Loyalty, Friendship and Love
However, I think the two factors of having a long lasting relationship were the friendship and respect that you have develop for each other. So start your relationship as friends by getting to know each other and build your relationship with respect, then the rest will follow.
Because even if the love and trust are gone, if you've built your relationship with respect and friendship those will never fade. Since those will be your common ground or the foundation of your relationship that you both established.
Alright, who haven't tried day dreaming about their crush?
Be honest, I know some of us imagine ourselves having a relationship with the person that we like. And I assume, all of us have this giddy feeling and the dreamy look. But then, when you overthink and realize that it will not last long? you tend to cut off that dream because it is scary. You feel scared because of the consequences that may happen beforehand. Questioning yourself about these possibilities;
What if you can not move on from the pain if you two broke up? or Can you let go of the memories that you two build together? The time and effort that you wasted for the future you think that you will be having, but in the end it's not?
Those kind of insecure thought and reaction were all natural. It is normal to be afraid and feel hesitant at first. But despite that fact,
Be afraid that you did not give it a try or regret that you don't have the courage to risk it. Then, in the end, you're wondering about the "what ifs". So, don't try to restrict yourself, instead try to explore and try new things.
I know that LOVE is scary, love is painful and that love is complicated. But I also know, that loving someone will give you unconditional happiness despite the heartbreaks.
I am not a love guru and I know that there is no ideal relationship and having a relationship is not for all. But at least you tried and experienced it, than hearing an, "I told you so" in the end.
So, go and message your crush loves!
What do you think? share your thoughts in the comment section below. Thank you!
Disclaimer: I know, we have different point of views and perception about things, it's just that, this is my opinion and the things that I believe in. The photo above is from pinterest.
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